The Affordable CAR Act of 2014- New Law Mandates Cars For Everyone…

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Obama-volt1-e1349466379544

The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled “The Affordable CAR Act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new car by June 5, 2014.

These ‘affordable’ cars will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, tags, registration, fuel, maintenance, or repair costs.

This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase cars. This new law ensures that every American can now have an ‘affordable’ car of their own, because everyone is ‘entitled’ to a new car. If you purchase your car before the end of the year, you will receive four ‘free’ tires (does not include mounting).

In order to make sure everyone purchases an ‘affordable car,’ the cost of owning a car will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But, to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their car will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents car(s) to drive until they turn 27, after which date they must purchase their own car.

If you already have a car, you can keep yours (not really). If you don’t want or don’t need a car, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one, or face imprisonment. If you cannot (or don’t want to) purchase an ‘affordable car’ from a private business, you can buy a starter car from the U. S. government ‘affordable car exchange.’ Such a car will have the basic necessities and will only cost ‘slightly more’ than a similar car purchased from a private business. Plus, since your tax dollars will subsidize the purchase of a car from the U. S. government’s ‘affordable car exchange,’ it will appear that you are getting a good deal.

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Failure to use the car will also result in fines. People living in areas with no access to roads are not exempt. Pre-existing conditions such as age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, nor lack of desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your car.

A government review board will decide everything, including when, where, how often, and for what purposes you can use your car, along with how many people can ride in your car. The board will also determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their car, and will also decide if your car has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories like spinning rims or a newer and more expensive car.

Those that can afford luxury cars will be required to do so … it’s only fair. The government will also decide the color for each car. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a car, they and their families can obtain cars free at the expense of tax payers. This includes lifetime maintenance and automatic adjustments for fuel charges.

Unions, bankers, and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$), Muslims and Amish are also exempt.

(S A T I R E by S. Soloman that has been altered from boats to cars.)

32 Comments on "The Affordable CAR Act of 2014- New Law Mandates Cars For Everyone…"

  1. You don’t need car insurance if you don’t own a car, dipshit.

  2. Obama can shove that up his ass! That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. Everyone’s going to laughing in your damn face!

  3. Federal Government has nothing to do with automobile insurance. Automobile insurance is managed by the individual states.
    Obviously, you don’t understand what Liability Insurance is, either.

  4. Avatar. | 11/17/2014 at 9:25 PM |

    What a bunch of BS

  5. Jimmy New | 11/17/2014 at 9:08 PM |

    Ok I got question what about those that are jobless how are they to afford the car.

  6. This is just funny….funnier? A lot of people will believe this…

  7. Robert King | 11/05/2014 at 3:33 PM |

    Michelle said you can eat a piece of fried chicken if you vote

  8. oldsalt1 | 11/05/2014 at 12:57 PM |

    Yes satire and damn funny,now if they added GMC is the only company to buy from it would have been better,

  9. I understand this is SATIRE. Fuck you anyway, Obama.

  10. Ridgelon | 11/05/2014 at 8:35 AM |

    One of your ads is promoting ProPcCleaner…it is a virus, I’ve removed it from several PC’s . Do not click ads, it’s a great way to get infected, you site owners need to worry about this a little more, choking up your site with ads just looks like you are just after money.

  11. Wayne Graham | 11/05/2014 at 5:19 AM |

    Lets see, Hitler had the Volkswagon Bug made for the people. Buying people, the only way the communist can get the people on their side. So sad America has become a nazi state.

  12. Zaphod Smith | 11/05/2014 at 5:12 AM |

    You should read the PPACA, Then this would no longer be the biggest load of rubbish you have ever read.

  13. Zaphod Smith | 11/05/2014 at 4:41 AM |

    Scary is the word I would use.. Especially when you consider they are allowed to vote.

  14. Chris Crumpton | 11/05/2014 at 1:06 AM |

    Everyday I wake up I feel the days getting shorter. Everything just so outta order fuck the law that america has made I’ll rep what I stand for till the day I see the grave pray for Jesus to save me cuz the way I been living everything I do seems to be sinnin and the rest of this life I’ll be greivin. Always in black cuz of my sorrow take a step in my shoes and see my life ain’t nothing to follow. I just got the words that make it hard to swallow. I wait for the day that these mother fuckers approach me wit hate I may say to they dismay at first they can’t kill me I just laugh in the face of these fools following a nigger and no I don’t give a fuck about race. The shit I say is always outta place Obama deserves to die wit a bullet or two between the eye wit his bitch following right behind. I say what I say cuz I’m loko like lokey spitting fire spweing smoke and burning whatever gets in my way. If I were you I’d start to pray cuz the days that I speak of are just months n weeks away lower your heads in shame for the way that we live this life so fucked up judging each other cuz of Satan’s hateful ways these are the days for you to pray never came but u can’t so don’t cuz all that’s worth it on life is dying know Jesus is the one to save us from inferno yet for eternity I burn so you remember forever the days of revalations nations dying from the plagues yet they think america can save them. Open ur eyes to this world so cruel yet growing up we thought it was cool to be a fool thievin n thuggin getting drunk yeah I remember the days that I didn’t give a fuck or two who’s watching what we do. Since birth I tried to set the world on fire thank the lord I know how to melt them tires fuck the police cuz they liars. Fuck it I can’t wait for the day that I see her burn in her own torment cup filled to the brim wit her sin blood spillin over makin the world sick oceans n rivers turn to blood like that of a dying man. U can say I’m mad or Looney fuck it that’s why I’m loco. Now sit back n watch the fires smoke fillin the air they can see the smoke from new York all the way to China smiles on their face cuz america the disgrace is no more.

  15. Donald Howard | 11/05/2014 at 12:33 AM |

    Sorry Barry,I have that mney slated for a new rifle and a case of ammo.besides I already have a jeep to carry my fire arms and ammo in.

  16. Julie Giles | 11/04/2014 at 11:52 PM |

    I want to be the Affordable Car Czar!

  17. Funny.

  18. David Whitmore | 11/04/2014 at 11:30 PM |

    This is down right funny. And I’m so glad it is satire.

  19. Cody Hicks | 11/04/2014 at 10:42 PM |

    Garbage.

  20. I want a new Mercedes white with Gold trim & my free phone.

  21. Fermiami45 | 11/04/2014 at 10:22 PM |

    You can keep your truck and if you like your neighbors Ferrari you can have that too because it’s not his, he did not build that……..his neighbor has to pay for your insurance and if you don’t like it you’re a racist! 😉

  22. Lola Hassan | 11/04/2014 at 10:16 PM |

    But what if I like my truck? Can I keep my truck?

  23. Does my purchase come with a free cell phone? I voted for Obama!

  24. glkgljb,mvhgd

  25. There is a stark difference. Car insurance is also protection for others you come in contact with, liability coverage. Most states require liability coverage but you do no have to have comprehensive or collision coverage which protects you personally. Healthcare coverage only protects you personally and should not be mandated at all; having health insurance is a good idea but a choice that should be left to the individual that is affected by it.

  26. Kyle Elliott | 11/04/2014 at 9:25 PM |

    the fact that no one realizes this is satire is freaking hilarious

  27. You are an Obama loving idiot. Bush, not the government under him didn’t mandate that we buy anything.

  28. phil box | 10/23/2014 at 3:51 PM |

    i want a new corvette. thank “yomomma”

  29. I get the point you were trying to make, but it doesnt work at all, since the government ALREADY passed a law years ago under GEORGE W. BUSH, mandating people to purchase car insurance or suffer a government penalty. And I dont remember very many Republicans complaining about it then.

  30. bucknuts6066 | 11/19/2013 at 10:50 PM |

    Well, I hope all you Obama lovers are happy, lets see if he will do something that is RIGHT or maybe that will HELP THE COUNTRY not tear it down.

  31. chasesalas | 11/19/2013 at 3:46 PM |

    Corey, your a fucking idiot. Go kill yourself with a gun that you legally purchased you jackass.

  32. William | 11/19/2013 at 4:11 AM |

    This may be the biggest load of rubbish I have ever read.

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